Understanding Peter Pan Syndrome

Most people have read about the adventures of Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up, but did you know actual adults can unintentionally pattern their habits after this fictional character? Peter Pan syndrome can happen to men and women. Despite their adult age, they tend to live their lives as if they are still children or teenagers and fail to step up and take responsibility for things like having a full-time job, paying bills, and sticking with a plan to move forward as they age. 

Do you have a son or daughter who you suspect has Peter Pan syndrome? Montare Tucson explores the subject, the symptoms, and what steps can be taken to help these forever-youthful adult children. 

What is Peter Pan Syndrome?

Peter Pan Syndrome is not a diagnosable illness, but a psychology term commonly used to describe adults who fight the reality of adopting behaviors and achieving accomplishments the way grown-ups do. Someone with Peter Pan Syndrome doesn’t follow in the footsteps of others transitioning from the teenage years to adulthood. They don’t seem interested in things like finding a satisfying career, keeping a job, taking responsibility for themselves, and cutting the apron strings between themselves and their parents. 

While everyone can make the joke “I don’t want to adult today” from time to time, for a person with Peter Pan Syndrome, this is a way of life. They look for ways to avoid adult responsibilities and often complain that being an adult is too arduous for them. Many people view them as immature and sometimes annoying because other adults have gone down the path of growing up and transitioning to being responsible for being a grown-up.

Another term often used to describe Peter Pan Syndrome is “failure to launch”. The individual frequently does not “launch” out of their parents’ home at an appropriate age or they rely on others to help pay their bills and otherwise take care of them.

Signs and Symptoms of Peter Pan Syndrome

While Peter Pan Syndrome happens to both males and females, it is more common in men.  While the symptoms are mostly the same, there are some differences. Males tend to dull their emotions when it comes to relationships and avoid ones that are long-term and have genuine feelings. Males often have the tendency to look at female partners in a maternal role. Seeing them as mother figures keeps the relationship from being equal and often the woman walks away from the man.

 On the other hand, many women with Peter Pan Syndrome tend to look for a partner who will provide for them monetarily and in other ways so they don’t have to support themselves financially. This puts the male in a father figure role, and he is expected to also do things like “rescue” the female from challenges or difficulties she should be able to handle by herself. 

What to Do if Your Adult Child Seems to be Experiencing This Syndrome

If you are a parent with a child who has Peter Pan Syndrome, you likely find yourself frustrated and exhausted with trying to get your kid to change. There are ways to help your child become more responsible, although they may initially balk at new rules set for them. Examples of ways to help your child break out of Peter Pan Syndrome include:

• Tell your child you expect them to take care of daily life skills, like doing their laundry, cooking, and cleaning up after themselves.
• Help your child create a schedule and then insist that they stick to it. Part of being an adult is prioritizing things to do and making sure they get done.
• Stop making excuses for your child or enabling their behavior. Tell them while you might have done that in the past, it stops now.
• If your child doesn’t have a job, set a deadline for them to get one.
• If you want your child to move out of the house, set a deadline for when they must be gone.

Convincing your child to seek therapy to help them discover why they find it so difficult to act like an adult can push them into changing their thinking and behaviors. 

Types of Treatment for Peter Pan Syndrome

While there isn’t one specific treatment to help someone overcome Peter Pan syndrome, there are different types of therapy that allow a person to move out of this stage and live an adult life. Individual therapy gives the person a private place to open up about their fears about growing up. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in particular can help the person make real progress. CBT helps them identify reasons they put off acting like an adult, helps them resolve past issues, and teaches them healthy coping skills.

Family therapy can also help the entire family heal. A trained therapist will lead discussions between the parents and their child that help them understand each other better. When the child realizes the burden they have placed on others by not taking responsibility for themselves, it can be eye-opening. As well, the parents can learn effective ways to support their child’s transition into adulthood while being careful not to enable them. 

Contact Montare Tucson for Mental Health Treatment

Do you have an adult child who refuses to grow up, and take on the responsibilities all adults do? If your child complains that “adulting” is too difficult and relies on you and others to support their desire to still live like a teenager, we can help. Montare Tucson offers residential treatment that helps young people explore their fears about adult life. Our therapists help them explore any unsettled events from the past and learn healthy ways to get excited about living like an adult.

Contact us if you have any questions. We make it easy to get a free insurance verification and get enrolled in our program quickly.